I know that it's been several weeks since the Golden Globe nominations were announced. I normally would have commented on this earlier, but this year I was so baffled it's taken me this long to put my shock into words.
Let's face it, the Hollywood Foreign Press doesn't know squat about Cinema. We all know the truth. They are a group of journalists (and it's my understanding that the word "Journalist" is used extremely liberally here) who banded together and somehow managed to convince the world they know about movies. They point of their awards isn't to honor movies and actors, but to allow the Hollywood Foreign press to party with the likes of Colin Farrell. I can't blame them. I'd want to party with Colin Farrell too. But let's face it. Normally the Hollywood Foreign Press pretends to pick good movies and generally makes sensible nominations. This year they've lost their damn minds.
It wasn't the strongest year for movies, it's true. But there were several indies that could have been nominated. Four Lions comes to mind. But no, they were ignored.
So this year's unforgivable offenders? How about we start with Best Motion Picture Comedy or Musical. I'l be realistic and admit that this isn't a category with a great deal of potential for great movies to be nominated. But...Red? Really? Don't get me wrong. I really liked this film. I thought it was fun, vastly entertaining. John Malkovich in particular shined. But nominating it for Best Picture? It has a 70% on Rotten Tomatoes for crying out loud. And then they add insult to injury and put Alice in Wonderland, Burlesque, and The Tourist in this category. Why not just man up and put The A-Team in there? It was miles better than any of their other choices.
As for the acting nominations, look no further for additional proof that these people have lost their minds. Best Actress in a Comedy or Musical nominee Emma Stone? What? If you have the guts to nominate Red for best picture, man up and nominate Helen Mirren. And why bother nominating Johnny Depp twice in the same category? Was I the only person on the planet who hated Alice in Wonderland? Was I the only one who thought it was overrated, poorly written, poorly acted, and relied far too much on visual effects? Where was Robert Duvall's nomination for Get Low?
Of course, the Hollywood Foreign Press's biggest sin this year was the complete shut out of True Grit. Fortunately the SAGs have already nodded to the Cohen Brother's film, and I don't doubt for a second that the Academy Awards are going to be all over this. Time will tell.
I know, I know, I dropped the ball again. I can keep apologizing but the truth is life gets in the way of blogging. Anyhoo...
The trailer for The Expendables hit the net a while back, but give it a chance if you haven't watched it yet. Personally, I think that the trailers for A-Team are better, but with this case, you can bet I'll end up seeing this eventually. Probably when my roomie (who owns The Condemned in case you need a reference) buys it.
The more I see of Salt, the more curious I get. The first trailer made me think that if they ever make "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiago?" into a movie, Angelina Jolie was the perfect casting choice. This trailer makes this feel more like a solid film, although it seems to be trying a bit hard to sell itself as a sort of female Bourne.
I'll be honest. I love Liam Neeson. Generally, I like him in just about everything. I'm not to sure what I think about him in After. Life. He's creepy in this trailer, and I find it really disturbing. Still, promising looking trailer.
When I first heard about Splice, I was pretty darn excited. I remember seeing the concept art when it first hit the net. But now that the trailer's here, I'm pretty darn terrified. Still, this looks like one heck of a horror film.
In case you didn't know, there is another Resident Evil film coming up. Now, I personally thought that the last one was the best yet. I know a lot of people who will argue that with me, but hey, to each his own. Still, this is full of promising Jovovich butt kicking. Not too sure about this whole 3D thing though. I hate 3D. I wish this fad would die already.
Katie and I saw this trailer in theater in front of How to Train Your Dragon. We both had the same reaction - Beautiful visuals, but what the hell is it about?
Ok, I'm pretty sure I'm the only one I know who is excited about this, but come on, what's not to love?
I find myself oddly intrigued by the trailer for Malice in Wonderland. I like Maggie Grace. She was solid in Taken and appropriately unlikable in Lost. This could be interesting.
The cast alone makes me want to see The Other Guys. As a rule, I always support Samuel L Jackson in just about anything (he's from my hometown). The Rock? Yes. Marky Mark? Yes, but not sure about this haircut he's sporting. Ferrell? Yes. Count me in, boys.
In the post Oscar haze, movie lovers around the world bask in the warm afterglow of cinderella stories, underdogs, and fabulous clothes. A joyous time full of Joan Rivers' comedic gold. A time when the reporters at Entertainment Tonight rejoice that they have an event they can stretch out through a full week of news segments.
However, there is an evil, dark side to this joyous period of cinematic bliss. Hollywood knows that it's intelligent audience members will be so caught up raving about Christoph Waltz's performance and rewatching the Best Picture Winner to notice that there's something foul brewing in Hollywood. This year was especially deadly since everyone not included in the last sentence was to busy bitching about how Avatar should have won. What is this danger you ask? Hollywood casting news.
That's right, you heard me. True, post Oscar casting can be a wonderful thing. Take Mickey Rourke's casting in Iron Man 2. You only have to watch the trailer to know that it's gold. But this year Hollywood has crossed a line.
We heard just before the Oscars about a certain Smurfs movie and the casting of Neil Patrick Harris. Now, I know what you're thinking: "Hey, he could work as a smurf." Except the problem is that he isn't playing a smurf. No, they've cast him as Johan. Yeeeaaaahhh. Now you see the problem. Of course, Hollywood tried to slip the worst news past us in our post Oscar bliss. Last week they announced more casting for the film, and readers, it ain't pretty.
Ready? Trust me, you aren't.
Brainy Smurf? Quentin Tarantino
Smurfette? Katy Perry
Grouchy Smurf? George Lopez
Gutsy Smurf? Alan Cumming
Now, I guess that someone out their will use the excuse "It's animated." Um, no, not excusable. Fortunately, everybody I just named is "rumored" with the exception of Tarantino, but that's cold comfort.
As for Tarantino...Dude, I like you. I like your acting, I love your scripts, I love your movies, and I've spent the last months of my life obsessively analyzing every darn detail of Inglorious Basterds, but this...this just feels wrong.
Not as wrong, however, as Katy Perry. I'll leave that one to Katie.
Also, Gutsy Smurf? It's been a while since I was a loyal subject of kingdom, but I don't remember any Gutsy Smurf. I'm declaring BS on that one until someone proves me wrong.
Originally, I intended to make a "Best Trailer" Twigman Award, but in the madness of trying to put the Twigmans together, it got left off. Oh well, maybe next year. In the mean time, I'd like to take this time to talk about something which doesn't always get it's deserved recognition: The Movie Trailer.
What makes a good movie trailer? Or to say it another way, what sort of trailer makes a movie look good? Consider this youtube gem and what it says about movie trailers.
Amusing yes, but also very true.
However, some trailers stand out for their ability to make good movies look as good as they are, and even more impressive, truly crap movies look excellent. Take for example, this early teaser for Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen. I mean, that teaser makes the movie look kind of badass, unlike the official trailer which clued us into the fact that it was basically National Treasure with giant robots and therefore kind of lame. This is the power of trailers and teasers. They set the tone for the film. They get the audience excited. Thus, I now present to you to best trailers of 2009. (Please note, as epic as the Watchmen trailers were, they didn't come out in 2009 and therefore I can't talk about how brilliantly they marketed a terrible movie).
X-Men Origins: Wolverine trailer
Before the movie was leaked online, we had this trailer. I remember watching this and thinking, "This looks sweeeeet!" The trailer is somewhat misleading about what the movie is actually about, but it doesn't matter, because it markets this movie very, very well.
Star Trek trailer
The marketing team had to market this film so that it would appeal to fans familiar with the series and at the same time make it appeal to potential new fans unfamiliar with the source material. This trailer nailed it. Not only did it portray the film in a good light to Trekkies, but it made new people who never cared sit back and think, "Hey, this looks kind of cool. Maybe these geeks are onto something."
Up trailer #3
This trailer only hinted at the joy and fun of this film, but nevertheless it serves as a perfect set up to the film. It doesn't give too much away, but it gives enough to make us yearn for more for the adventures of the grouchy old man and eager young boy. Also, the talking dog "Squirrel!" moment became the most quoted part of this trailer. Everyone was going around quoting Doug. With just a few seconds, this trailer had us falling in love with a talking dog.
Inglorious Basterds teaser
This trailer gives viewers the idea that the movie is about Brad Pitt and his soldiers. This is untrue, as these characters are only a small part of the film, but it doesn't really matter. This teaser is pretty epic. The music, the clips, the use of Brad Pitt's monologue - it all builds perfectly. Even the use of blood splatter works to make this trailer. It leaves an impression, but most of all it leaves you thinking, "I cannot wait to see this film."
Terminator: Salvation trailer
This one is hands down the winner for best trailer of the year. This trailer was epic, breathtaking, stunning, cinematically orgasmic. The use of music, the way it all builds, is shear perfection. If it has one drawback, it's that after seeing the film we learn that the best moments in the film were in this trailer (generally a good trailer should hold some of the best moments back), but honestly, after watching this, who cares? This movie was a disappointment after the epic trailer, but with a trailer like this, it doesn't really matter.
For the record, what I think will win and what I wish would win are two very different things. One deals with the horrible reality of the Academy morons who vote for this stuff, and the other exists in a world where good, just things happen. You know, that world without Uwe Boll.
Lauren's Oscar Wish List
or "Things that would happen in a world where Hollywood burned Uwe Boll at the stake after he made his first film"
Best Picture - District 9
Best Director - Quentin Tarantino, Inglorious Basterds
Best Actor - Jeremy Renner, The Hurt Locker
Best Actress - Meryl Streep, Julie & Julia
Best Supporting Actor - Christoph Waltz, Inglorious Basterds
Best Supporting Actress - Mo'nique, Precious
Best Animated Feature - Up
Best Original Screenplay - Inglorious Basterds
Best Adapted Screenplay - District 9
Best Foreign Film - The White Ribbon
Lauren's Oscar Predictions
Best Picture - The Hurt Locker (Dark Horse Pick Inglorious Basterds)
Best Director - Katherine Bigelow
Best Actor - Jeff Bridges
Best Actress - Sandra Bullock
Best Supporting Actor - Christoph Waltz
Best Supporting Actress - Mo'nique
Best Animated Feature - Up
Best Original Screenplay - Inglorious Basterds
Best Adapted Screenplay - Up in the Air
Best Foreign Language - The White Ribbon
Best Original Score - Hans Zimmer
Best Art Direction - The Young Victoria
Best Cinematography - The Hurt Locker
Best Costume Design - The Young Victoria
Best Documentary - The Cove
Best Documentary Short - China's Unnatural Disaster
We are proud to announce this year's Twigman Award Winners! We had a rough time deciding on some of these awards. We argued, we pondered, we watched some crap. (Gerard Butler, we need to have a talk.) Actually, a lot of the better films of the year were "mainstream," so there wasn't so much crap. We refused to sacrifice ourselves for you, our readers, and watch some of the more crappy movies of the year (Miss March); if we suffer through something, it's going to be our own fault, thank you. But the best thing about seeing a little bit of everything? We're totally prepped for both Oscar picking AND Twigman loving. Behold the final cut below.
Best Picture: District 9
Contrary to popular belief (especially if you check the box office receipts--I weep for American cinema), the finest cinematic contribution to science fiction was not that God-awful Avatar. Neil Blomkammp's District 9, featuring an intelligent script, a brilliant lead performance by newcomer Sharlto Copley, and stellar visual effects, dazzles (and, even better, fascinates) from start to finish. Unlike Avatar, rife with cliches and stereotypes, District 9 never panders to its audience. The political issues are complex and multifaceted, discussing questions of racism, immigration, and sexual orientation. Fully-developed characters exhibit enough unsettling flaws, positive attributes, and emotional rawness to ring true to reality. Beautifully constructed action setpieces keep the audience's attention. The surprise setting--Johannesburg, not New York or London--makes the film look far less like Hollywood's typical summery sci fi confections (I'm looking at you, Transformers 2) than most other blockbusters featuring extraterrestrials. Even though District 9 is an alien flick, in telling the story of one man's metamorphosis from simple government bureaucrat to suffering outsider (in faux documentary form, no less), it remains totally gripping and utterly believable. Bravo to all the first-time Oscar nominees that made this film an instant classic: it's proof that you DON'T have to spend a quarter of a billion dollars to make something truly memorable. Sit back and be wowed.
-Katie
Best Director: Neill Blomkamp, District 9
When a visual effects guy steps behind the camera as a director, the results are often (technically) disastrous. Blomkamp's prior credits include 3-D animator and visual effects departments for Dark Angel, Smallville, and Stargate: SG-1. Sure, District 9's look is effectively gritty, and the film features enduring images, but its success is dependent upon its thematic weight and its stellar performances, which Blomkamp achieved with the style and verve of a seasoned veteran. He brings his own script to astonishing, full-bodied life, turning deep existential questions into science fiction glory, a la Blade Runner or Children of Men. Competent and assured, Blomkamp structures his film as a documentary, offering a verisimilitude to the all-too-relevant issues at hand. This compelling film would be any director's masterpiece, but as Blomkamp's rookie project, District 9, with its unknown cast and shoestring budget, proves even more impressive.
-Katie
Best Actor: Sharlto Copley, District 9
District 9 has a brilliant script and some stunning visual effects, but without a great lead actor, the film could crumble under the sheer weight of its themes. Enter unknown South African Sharlto Copley, whose visceral, epic performance as Wikus van de Merwe offers the film a raw humanity. Playing a dense government bureaucrat, Wikus is charmingly oblivious, but never without darkness; try not to wince when he leads his team to a prawn's (human slang for the alien visitors) shack to abort alien spawn. However, as the film progresses and his physical transformation becomes more horrific, the truly great transformation is within himself, learning empathy through his shocking fate. Wikus elicits the audience's laughter, frustration, and even tears as he runs the gamut of human emotion unlike any performance of 2009: hopeful joy, selfish rage, and true sadness. Behind that goofy mustache, there's a complicated, real man. Sharlto Copley made quite the entrance.
-Katie
Best Actress: Meryl Streep, Julie and Julia
I know that Sandra Bullock is getting all the praise for her role in The Blind Side, but Meryl Streep's portrayal of Julia Child was outstanding. The voice, the body movements, the delivery...it's all magical. She blows Sandra Bullock out of the freaking water.
~Lauren
Best Supporting Actor: Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds
In what will most likely be the most memorable performace of the year, Christoph Waltz conquers the silver screen as Hans Landa. This movie could not exist without this character and, most of all, Waltz performance. Need proof? Go watch the first scene of Inglorious Basterds and tell me otherwise. He's cunning, brilliant, devious, creepy, and even oddly charming at times. I know the "It's a Bingo!" line gets all the fame for his performance, but for me, this opening scene is his best. However, it's the little moments that solidify his victory. Take, for example, his remarks to Hugo Stiglitz's dead corpse. Or better yet, his Italian discussion with Raines and Co. Honestly, I have a hard time trying to decide which scene is creepier - the opening scene, or the scene when he questions Brigit. The bottom line is that every time this man steps onto the screen he has the audience tense up with real terror. He is the figure from our nightmares come to life, and he rules.
~Lauren
Best Use of a Previously Written Song in a Movie: "In the Air Tonight," The Hangover
I personally think poor ol' Phil Collins gets a bad rap anyway; there's a place in this world for upbeat pop. Fortunately, few would deny that this particular number is an 80's classic. Think Miami Vice: this song takes you to a very specific time and place, one where ice cream-colored suits and no socks was vastly cool for a cop. And that's awesome. But for our generation, this song will no doubt take us back to a disastrous Vegas hotel room, where a past-his-prime Mike Tyson air-drummed, howled, and slugged his way back into our hearts. (Sorry, folks, but tone-deaf singing and subsequently knocking a guy out will NEVER get old.) Because rocking out to this admittedly epic track is something we've all done at some time or other, the use of Tyson's top tune is comically absurd yet...something that doesn't surprise us. As Bradley Cooper's Phil would attest, Tyson and Phil Collins (God bless him) have still got it!
-Katie
Best Screenplay: Quentin Tarantino
Successful, well written and well thought out screenplays are rare in Hollywood. They don't always get optioned into movies and they're often destroyed on the cutting room floor. Tarantino's script is bold and daring. Let's face it, English is not the main language of the film. It's difficult enough to get an audience to watch a film with subtitles. Getting an audience to watch a film with subtitles for French, German, and Italian is so ridiculous that I'm sure most production companies laughed hysterically. But somehow, Tarantino pulls it off brilliantly. The tension he builds, the flawless switches from the multiple story lines, the fascinating characters - it all comes together brilliantly.
~Lauren
Best Costuming: Sherlock Holmes
Like Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds, Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes is much more concerned with giving off a vibe than with being 100% historically accurate. His vision is a fun, fast-paced, sexy version of an old classic (with a warm respect for the source material), with RDJ as a scruffy, eccentric Holmes and Jude Law as an elegant man of action. While their wardrobe is not precisely the height of Victorian fashion, they both manage to look stunning and true to their characters, complementing each other nicely.
-Katie
Best Makeup: District 9
We've already discussed Wikus's inner transformation, but in a sci fi blockbuster like this one, the outer transformation is almost as important. The imaginative folks at WETA worked their magic to change Wikus from bumbling human to repulsive alien in harrowing, horrific stages. Watch Wikus go Gregor Samsa with excruciating slowness, each new characteristic more shocking and gruesome than the last. The skin of his back peels away to reveal a crustacean-like exoskeleton. His arm becomes a hideous, unrecognizable claw. His eyes change into great golden spheres, marking his complete separation from the human race: he can now clearly see through the eyes of the suffering. It's all accomplished with great skill by the makeup artists.
-Katie
Best Visual Effects: Terminator: Salvation
This was truly an amazing year for visual effects. Between Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Avatar (though it pains me to say it), Star Trek, District 9, and even G. I. Joe. We've thought long and hard about this award. We know Avatar is going to win the Oscar, but for us, well, we take the time to kick back and look back at the little things.
I suggest you look at this video starting at 3:14. Remember these bad boys? EPIC! Little details like this are why we're giving this Twigman to Terminator: Salvation.
~Lauren
Best Technical Explosion: Terminator: Salvation
Last year with gave this to the hospital demolition in The Dark Knight. This year's had to be equally, if not more epic. There was only one choice - this entire fraking scene.
~Lauren
Best Pyrotechnics: Terminator: Salvation
This award could also be called the Cody award, in honor of the Tropic Thunder character and winner of last year's explosion. With that in mind, I tried to think of a Cody worthy explosion. You know, something worthy of the line "Mother Nature's gonna piss her pantsuit." Our winner can be seen in the last ten seconds of this youtube video.
~Lauren
Best Drop of the F-Bomb: All of District 9
Unlike our previous winner, we couldn't narrow our winner down to one unforgettable phrase. This year, it's all about delivery, and boy, does Sharlto Copley nail it. For those of you keeping count, District 9 offends with this four-letter word a whopping 137 times (thanks, Wikipedia). And while the sheer volume is impressive, the real magic of the f-word here is its pronunciation, transforming the schwa sound of the American pronunciation into the ever amusing "fook." And fortunately, most of its uses are completely warranted; Wikus definitely has reason to be swearing.
-Katie
Best Pop Culture Reference: "Are you ready to let the dogs out," The Hangover
For pop culture junkies like the two of us here, a respectful nod, a knowing wink, or an off-the-wall name drop is a glittering moment in any film. In 2009, the hit comedy The Hangover with hip references to the aforementioned Phil Collins and Rain Man,but it's Alan's strange hope that the guys are going "to let the dogs out" that stands out. Let us not forget "In the Air Tonight" and Rain Man are both emblematic works of the 80's; they're both far enough in the past to have attained classic status. The Baha Men's sporting events anthem "Who Let the Dogs Out?," however, cannot make such a claim on society. The song is a curse on the ears, but somehow, when the four dudes strut in slow-mo to its annoying chorus of "who, who, who?"...it's cooler than it's ever been, in all its ridiculous glory. -Katie
Let us introduce this as the companion piece to The Twigman Awards. Whereas the Twigman Award recipients elicit cheering, laughing, and grinning from ear-to-ear, these folks and projects induce only frustrated sighing, forehead-smacking, and eye-rolling. For Hollywood first-timers, we can eventually overlook these mistakes and move on, particularly when these folks repent and make good films later in life. However, the people, movies, and departments you see below, carefully chosen by two ladies who suffered acutely at the multiplex in 2009, offered up their wooden, trite, dull worst. Some of these people got (deservedly) slammed in the press, while others were hailed as "visionaries" (seriously, Watchmen ad campaign?). We're correcting this right now. We not-so-humbly confer "Dead to Me" status upon the following no-talent, could-have-been, should-have-been, and what-the-hell-happened-here? stars of 2009.
1. James Effing Cameron, director and "writer" of Avatar
Do you recall those subpar prequels to the Star Wars trilogy? Does anyone remember how critics SLAMMED George Lucas for his feeble writing, lackluster directing, racial stereotypes, and heavy reliance on (stunning) visual effects? Then why the hell are we giving James Effing Cameron a pass for Avatar? Well, critics, maybe YOU are, but we're not standing for it. The irritating thing about James Effing Cameron is that Lauren and I know he's capable of better. This man made the first two Terminator movies, sci fi and modern action movie classics. Tough, violent, manly sci fi was finally marketable. The scripts are nowhere near flawless, but some of the best one-liners in the popular lexicon find their origins in those two flicks. But the time has come to say "hasta la vista, baby" to James Effing Cameron. I absolutely abhor Titanic; it's a supremely cliche romance centered on a repulsively ill-matched couple. We hoped that the incredibly arrogant Cameron would make a full recovery in his triumphant return to sci fi, but then, we got effing Avatar, an insipid, preachy, bloated bore of a film that had no message that we hadn't heard in a rousing number from Pocahontas. I would list every trite stereotype for you, dear reader, but I don't want this post to be six pages long. Yet everyone goes gaga over some 3-D and kooky creatures, completely ignoring that the film has no heart and is enacted by mannequins. Then he goes to the Golden Globes and accepts his award for Best Director (gag) in freakin' Na'vi, the made-up nonsense language from your loathsome excuse for a motion picture? Shame on you, James Effing Cameron. I wish your career would sink like the Titanic, but people apparently are blind enough to keep giving you their hard earned money. But you know what? You can't count me among them ever again; I am afraid you are DEAD TO ME, James Effing Cameron.
2. Hugh Grant, actor, Did You Hear About the Morgans?
Hugh Grant's career made a wondrous about-face in 2002, when he transformed from the mumbling, confused, adorable guy from dull chick flicks like Nine Months and Notting Hill (and even in the near-flawless Sense and Sensibility) into the snarky, self-obsessed man-child of About a Boy. He'd finally found his niche, showing off the sparkle and the edge that his performances had heretofore lacked. Having settled comfortably into this character, he repeated his success in a charming little romantic comedy called Two Weeks Notice (with his best leading lady, Sandra Bullock), then in a slightly less charming romantic comedy called Music and Lyrics...it's gotten very old, very fast. Then he signs on for this third-rate cinematic turd, a film featuring hackneyed gags, a paper-thin plot, and a shockingly irritating leading lady. I'm sorry, my beloved Hugh. I just can't keep forgiving you for things like this. Stop doing this to me, but since I know you won't...you're dead to me, dear. I'm so sorry.
3. Katherine Heigl, actress, The Ugly Truth
OK, Katherine Heigl, pop quiz: what movie have you done that HASN'T set back the women's movement twenty years? Is it (a) Knocked Up, (b) 27 Dresses, or (c) The Ugly Truth? The answer is (d) Stop making women look bad, Katherine Heigl. You've turned us all into up-tight, boring hags who can only be liberating by slumming with dopey stoners or self-centered douchebags. What exactly is your message, huh? At least Knocked Up had the decency to be a marginally funny Apatow flick, but what's your excuse for your latest? Did you just want to show Gerard Butler your rack? Well, congratulations, you pretty waste of space. You know, you're not a bad actress, and I think you have a great sense of comedic timing (for a woman; you have your limitations), but you pick keep selecting cringe-inducing material that cannot function on principle. When are you going to realize that the romantic comedy for guys is a FANTASY? It's the cinematic equivalent of a unicorn. So unless you start poaching some of Rachel McAdams's parts, you are dead to me.
4. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, actor, Race to Witch Mountain
Damn your impressive physique, boyish grin, and effortless charm, Dwayne Johnson. You're a delightful, funny guy. You left the ridiculous land of pro wrestling and broke into Hollywood, only to turn yourself into the Arnold Schwarzenegger of pitiful 90's family fare. You're built to be an action star, man. If you're not going to do that, start doing some grown-up comedies, for heaven's sake. I saw you on SNL back in the day, and you were top-notch. What the hell happened? I don't even know you anymore. This is really just the straw that broke the camel's back. The Game Plan? Really? Your game plan ought to be "fire my agent and revive my career." Like Hugh Grant's dismissal, this one's hard on me. But I no longer smell what the Rock is cooking because...he's dead to me.
5. Watchmen
I'm not even going to name names for this clustercuss of a movie, because everything about it, from the casting to the story to the acting to the soundtrack to the MAKEUP, is a total catastrophe. All I heard for months was how brilliant the graphic novel was and how epic the movie was going to be and blah, blah, blah. Well, let me tell you, I'm never reading it now. If this drab film is any evidence, then the graphic novel's a clunky, dreary mess, with no visible merits. Damn you, makers of the Watchmen trailer! Your selection of killer visual moments and a sweeping, eerie Smashing Pumpkins track showed such promise. But I should have known from your use of "Zac Snyder: Visionary Director of 300" that something what seriously amiss with this impossible adaptation. What theoretically should have been a gripping, complex graphic novel adaptation became this shell of a film, featuring the worst soundtrack of 2009 (My Chemical Romance and Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" for a sweaty, awkward sex scene? What the hell, major studio?) and makeup so unconvincing that visual effects studios from the fifties would be laughing at them. To think that there's a longer, more drawn-out cut of this violent, unpleasant downer somewhere truly frightens me. When I left this film, I was told by one of my pals, "I didn't know I could hear someone walk angrily until now." You do now. Screw you, everyone involved. You are dead to me.
There are a few others to whom I'm issuing warnings. These folks better watch their step:
1. Amanda Seyfried: this bug-eyed freak better make something worthwhile, stat. Lauren swears she's talented. I've yet to see the evidence. Her work includes Dear John, Jennifer's Body, Mean Girls, and Mamma Mia! See what I mean?!
2. Shia LeBeouf: Between Indy 4 and Transformers 2, you are on thin ice, pal.
3. Sam Worthington: Avatar and Terminator: Salvation both blow, in large part because you have no discernible talent. You're not that attractive, and you can't cover up your Aussie accent. You better learn to act quick, and Clash of the Titans does not look promising.
4. Gerard Butler: Gamer and The Ugly Truth in the same year? Now that's just cruel, man. Don't make me spend that kind of money again, Mr. Butler. Unfortunately, I've seen the ads for The Bounty Hunter. Things don't look good for 2010.
5. Jennifer Aniston: With the exception of The Good Girl, your film roles generally display none of your acting range. Honestly, did you think Love Happens was going to work? It was even bad for a predictable rom-com. The only way you're getting out of the tabloids is by being a legitimate actress. Unfortunately, I've seen the ads for The Bounty Hunter. Things don't look good for 2010.
I know, it's been a while. But hey, since we're on a role with blog posts anyways...ok, confession, it's midterm week and I'm having a hard time making myself study. You would too. Screw you 18th century lit. Anyways, I know it's been awhile so you might have already seen some of these. If not, enjoy.
Repo Man. Old story, but this time, with Jude Law and Forrest Whitaker. And lets on forget Liev Schreiber. I think it has potential.
In case you are living under a rock, this is a film which I'm pretty sure is going to be the best thing ever.
Ashton Kutcher is in a new movie called Killers which is basically him and Katherine Heigl trying to be Brad and Angelina in Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Yeah, it looks as terrible as it sounds.
Edward Norton playing identical twins in a movie about pot? This has potential.
As far as Chloe is concerned, I love the cast, but I'm not sure.
Every now and then, a book series gets adapted in what is hopefully the right way. Get excited.
Ok, I can't wait to see The Ghost Writer. This movie seems exactly the sort of thing I love.
I'm not really sure what to make of The Losers.I can't shake this feeling that it wants to be The A-Team. See what I mean?
Now, as far as sequels go, I was unsure about Wall Street 2, but I think this trailer makes it look like it has potential. Time will tell.
As for remakes...screw you Hollywood for this crap.
This is a post I've been talking about writing for a month, but sadly I'm just getting to it. Here are the nominations, and here are my reactions.
Best Picture
Avatar
See upcoming post on Avatar for my reactions on this nomination.
The Blind Side
See my previous review for this one. I really can't think of a reason as to why this was nominated. This one took the spot that should have gone to Moon. Honestly, no way in hell this will win or deserves to win.
District 9
Brilliant, epic film. Thrilled it got nominated. Go scifi!
An Education
Good nomination, though expected.
The Hurt Locker
I also expected this to get nominated, and it's one of the ones I'm rooting for.
Inglorious Basterds
I have a feeling that if it weren't for this whole "ten nominations" crap this might not have gotten a nom, but yes, this one is well deserved.
Precious
Also expected.
A Serious Man
...Really? Where the hell did this nomination come from? Did anyone even see this movie?
Up
Yes!
Up in the Air
Again, expected
Best Director
Katheryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker
Good choice. If she wins, she'll be the first ever woman to win it.
James Cameron, Avatar
Expected. I kind of find it hilarious that this is turning into an "Ex husband vs Ex wife" contest. You have your oscar, Cameron. I'm rooting for your ex wife.
Lee Daniels, Precious
...What? Really? I'm pretty sure that this slot should have gone to Neill Blomkamp. Someone got robbed of a nomination and it was given to this guy? Fail.
Jason Reitman, Up in the Air
Fine director. Not gonna win this year. Katie thinks he could be the Dark Horse. I disagree.
Quentin Tarantino
My pick for Dark Horse contender of the year. I'd be pleasantly surprised if he won.
Best Actor
Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart
This year's The Wrestler - ish nom. Wonder if he'll loose unexpectedly to a gay performance. Doubtful, since it isn't Sean Penn this time around, but still...
George Clooney, Up in the Air
Expected. Probably won't win, but a deserved nomination.
Colin Firth, A Single Man
Could potentially pull a Milk on Jeff Bridges, but I doubt it.
Morgan Freeman, Invictus
Doesn't stand a chance. This nomination slot should have gone to Sam Rockwell for Moon.
Jeremy Renner, The Hurt Locker
I really want him to win, but I still haven't seen Crazy Heart.
Best Actress
Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side
Really hyped for a win and an expected nomination.
Helen Mirren, The Last Station
Huh, surprising, haven't even heard of this movie. Guess that's what happens when you live in another country for five months with no internet.
Carrey Mulligan, An Education
Expected and deserved nomination.
Gabourey Sidibe, Precious
Expected.
Meryl Streep, Julie & Julia
Well deserved nom for a delightful performance.
Best Supporting Actor
I'm not even going to bother giving a reaction for each actor, cause if Christoph Waltz does not win this something has gone horrible wrong in the universe. His is the only performance that mattered.
Best Supporting Actress
Again, I'm not going to bother listing the nominations because Mo'nique will win and that's that.
Best Animated Feature
Normally, I don't feel like this a category with a great deal of competition. It normally goes to Pixar. But this year...holy crap.
Coraline
Not my fav, but nicely put together film.
Fantastic Mr. Fox
Haven't seen it yet, but Katie swears it's greatest film of 2009, seconded only to District 9.
The Princess and the Frog
I actually kind of hated this. I felt like Disney was trying to rewrite it's fairy tale dogma and failed in a sort of split personality way.
The Secret of Kells
Bwahahahahahaha!....Oh wait, you're serious? Crap. You have to understand, I lived in Dublin this fall and was hanging around in my Trinity College bookstore waiting to buy a shirt so I'd have something to wear while doing laundry and discovered this dvd on display. I watched a few minutes of it while waiting in line to check out and thought "my God that's the cheesiest thing I've ever seen." Now I'm wondering if I should give it another chance.
Up
Win. That's all I have to say.
Best Original Screenplay
The Hurt Locker
Good script, but I'm kind of surprised it got nominated.
Inglorious Basterds
Winner. Juggles four different languages and makes some many different story lines flow seamlessly together. Winner.
The Messenger
Didn't see it, so no comment.
A Serious Man
Ditto.
Up
Good, but not good enough.
Best Adapted Screenplay
District 9
Heck yes! Please win!
An Education
Hornby, I love you but this was not your best.
In the Loop
Out of the country and didn't see it. No comment.
Precious
Expected.
Up in the Air
Also expected.
Best Foreign Language Film
This is going to go to The White Ribbon. I don't care about the others.
Best Original Score
Avatar
Have you lost your freaking minds? Of all the scifi scores of the year, this is what you choose? Epic, idiotic fail. This should have gone to Moon, you assholes.
Fantastic Mr. Fox
Understandable, but I doubt it will win.
The Hurt Locker
I've seen this three times and I can't remember a thing about this score. Fail.
Sherlock Holmes
You're serious? Really, you're not screwing around with me? Thank you! My God, it's a score by Zimmer that doesn't sound like Pirates. Please let it win. Please.
Up
Good, but after seeing Sherlock is nominated, I'm not pulling for it.
Best Original Song
...............Hear that sound? That's the sound of me muting my tv for these performances, since all of these sucked, except for Crazy Heart. They sucked so much I refuse to list them here. I'm just grateful you didn't nominate Avatar, cause then I'd have to sit you down and make you listen to that damn song until you understood your mistake and begged me to tear your ears off.
Best Documentary Feature
It's going to The Cove, end of story.
I'm skipping the short film nominations, since I didn't see any of them. Moving on...
Best Art Direction
Avatar
No.
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
Possible. I saw the concept art.
Nine
Please, no.
Sherlock Holmes
If this one it would sort of make my life.
The Young Victoria
Heartily approve.
Best Cinematography
Avatar
Please, no. Does not deserve.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Um, what? Where did this nomination come from? Oh, I see, this is here because you decided to completely shut out (500) Days of Summer, which so deserved to be nominated for this.
The Hurt Locker
I approve.
Inglorious Basterds
Again, I approve.
The White Ribbon
Ditto.
Best Costume Design
I don't care enough about this year's nominations to comment. They are all well deserved.
Best Makeup
None of these deserve to win. Star Trek got nominated for Spock ears and painting a chick green, for crying out loud. This should have gone to District 9. Fail.
Best Film Editing
Avatar
No
District 9
Yes
The Hurt Locker
Yes
Inglorious Basterds
Yes
Precious
Excuse me, but what the hell? Should have gone to (500) Days of Summer
Best Visual Effects
Avatar
Probably will win.
District 9
Deserves to win.
Star Trek
Doesn't stand a chance.
Best Sound Editing
Avatar
No
The Hurt Locker
Yes, please
Inglorious Basterds
Yes, please, but probably won't win
Star Trek
Huh?
Up
Yes, please
Best Sound Mixing
Avatar
No
The Hurt Locker
Yes
Inglorious Basterds
Yes
Star Trek
Feeling kind of neutral.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
You're kidding, right? You're not kidding? Morons.
That's it for now. Later in the week I'll post my list of predicted wins and my list of what, in an ideal world, should win.
So I've seen a lot of movies recently and haven't had the time to post reviews, but I'm feeling guilty so here are some brief, mini reviews. Enjoy!
Legion
Ok, sometimes biblical action movies can rock. Constantine, for all of its faults, is a flick I find vastly enjoyable. This may come down to my love for Keanu's terrible acting (say what you want, but I think that Point Break pretty much embodies the 90s). Of course, the flip side includes films like The Reaping. Yeah, bet you wish I hadn't just brought that bad memory up. Legion isn't quite as bad as The Reaping, but it's still not by any means a great film. Katie hated it. I think I feel a little less hatred towards it since I watched Gamer first (I'll get to that in a minute). There are a few decent action moments. There is a bit with an improvised flame thrower that may show up in next year's Twigmans. Still, it's a renter.
Gamer
I only just saw this one since when it came out I was living in the UK and movies cost roughly 20 US dollars and I could not afford that nonsense. I was having a hard enough time paying for food. So finally, I see it. Um, yeah. Ouch. This video clip pretty much says all that you can say about this film.
Yeah. That's the level of bad we're talking about. Gerard Butler, you are too good looking to keep making these awful movies. Between this and The Ugly Truth, I hate to say it, but you're starting to make me hate you.
An Education
I made sure to catch this one since it's up for Best Picture. I was really excited to see this one. I love Nick Horby's work, although Katie loves him more than I do. While this is a very nicely put together film and definitely something I would recommend, I doubt it will win best picture. Regardless, this is a nice little coming of age story with some excellent acting that I highly recommend.
The Blind Side
To be honest, I had no desire whatsoever to see this film. Really, I didn't. I didn't care about the hype. I'm burned out of the whole inspirational sports movie thing. This could have something to do with the fact that I have a running count of seeing Remember the Titans twenty-five times in my life (it was forced; there are some films I watch obsessively, but not this one). I had a similar reaction to all Disney films involving animals as central characters after my sister went through a Lion King 2 phase and watched it, I'm not kidding you, for nonstop three days straight until my mother pulled an intervention on her six-year-old. Finding Nemo restored my faith in animals. The Blind Side did not restore my faith in sports movies.
Granted, it's a nicely put together film that does inspire you to be a better person. I have a few issues with it since I'm from East Tennessee and hence view Memphis as the enemy (Tennessee interstate relations make an interesting sociological study). But honestly, this film is nowhere nearly good enough to merit a Best Picture nomination. As for Sandra Bullock's hyped performance, she'd good, I'll give her that, but I don't for a second think that her performance was the best of the year.
The Boondock Saints 2
Ok, for the record, I LOVE The Boondock Saints. Freaking love it. It's a movie I watch over and over again and laugh every time. I was thrilled at the prospect of a sequel. But then I saw it. Fail. I hate the character Romeo. Hate him. He irritates me to no end. The movie would have been about a billion times better if he wasn't in this. Also, I like Julie Benz, but I feel like they wasted her in this movie. First of all, i think she looks kind of crap, which is really hard to do with someone that attractive. Also, her southern accent seems supper gimmicky and distracts from every scene she's in. She's underused and underdeveloped. Basically, this movie should have been better than it is. It's watch-able I guess, but it's not a movie I'd buy and watch over and over like the first one.
Whip It!
This is another film I missed while living across the pond. For the record, I kind of adored it. I didn't expect to, since I kept hearing about how "Juno" it was. It isn't. It's nothing like Juno, a film which, despite what people tell me, I've never managed to sit through. I know, I know - I'm inhuman since I can't make myself like Juno. Anyways, Whip It! Like I said, I kind of adore this film. I think it's a delightful coming of age flick with some swell acting and some snappy lines. It's a film I can relate to pretty heavily. A teenage girl living in the middle of boring nowhere feels like her mother pressures her into being someone she's not sure she wants to be. One day she lucks out and finds something that she unexpectedly loves. This thing changes her life. And of course, her mother doesn't get it. Every teenage girl has this experience to some degree. I'm still stuck in this experience in many ways. Perhaps this is why I love this film, but you can't fault it for much. The script, acting, and directing are all solid. Go out and rent this if you don't believe me.
Things have been uber crazy around here. We had sworn to ourselves we were going to be better this semester. Turns out that was a lie. We could give you excuses. Part of it had to do with the fact that we were so excited to see each other after my five month stint of living in another country that we forgot about this site. Part of it also has to do with my hellish class schedule, rush consuming my life, Katie's new job, and Katie's grad school apps. But we're here. We swear.
We've honestly been spending much of our time on the two most important events of the month of March: The Oscars and The Twigmans.
The Oscars have thrown us this year. The nominees...well, I'll analysis this in another post. I've been spending over a month trying to figure out the logic of some of the noms and I just can't. Also, the new ten best picture nominations thing has seriously destroyed us. Our bank accounts are bitching at us. We don't have enough time to see all of these, and we're trying to cram them all in. Keep a look out for my predicted wins and my win wish list (these are two very different things; screw you, Avatar).
I know, get excited. The Twigmans are back. For the record, we've bee putting a lot of hard, hard work into getting the nominations put together for this site's awards. However, we've been coming up empty on some categories, so if you have any ideas for awards, feel free to give us suggestions. Really, please help us out. We do have some awards already sealed: Best Picture, Best Actor, Best Supporting Actor, Best Makeup, Best Use of a Previously Written Song in a Movie, and Best Drop of the F-bomb. We're still debating some categories. We'd love to hear your nominations for Best Actress, Best Supporting Actress (desperately lost on this one), Best Technical Explosion, and Best Use of Pyrotechnics. We've also been debating on adding some new categories, so if you have any ideas let us know.
We're also excited to announce the inception of something new. This currently untitled thing will be our way of expressing our disgust/horror/hatred of certain movies/people as a result of movies that came out in the year 2009. If you know us, you can guess who we'll be slamming this year and who will not win a single Twigman.
Keep an eye out for posts. We may even Live Blog the Oscars.
