Who Watches Zach Snyder?

Oh, Watchmen. There are so many places I could start. I could talk about the horrible ending, the even worse sex scene, the horrible miss casting of Malin Akerman. I could even talk about Nixon in this movie, but since I occasionally glanced at Katie's face while watching the midnight premier to see if her reaction was the same as mine, I'll leave her to talk about Nixon. Her confused, offended glances told me all I needed to know on that subject. I could even talk about my issues with calling Zack Snyder a "visionary" director, but cnn.com summed that up nicely.

No, instead I dedicate my review to tearing a new one out of the music director of this film. Unfortunately, IMDB doesn't name this soul-crushing fiend, so I've decided to place the blame on Zack Snyder. 

Sometimes, a movie can make excellent use of music not written for the film. Examples: Wall-E ("Put On Your Sunday Clothes"), Wanted ("Everyday Is Exactly The Same"), Kill Bill ("Bang, Bang")...I could keep going, really, but I'll stop. Then, sometimes, movies like Watchmen come along. As I sat through this travesty of a movie, I furrowed my brow in confusion 12 times. It occurred to me that this movie would have been better if I watched the whole thing on mute, because the music basically ruined it. Allow me to go through each song and explain why. Keep in mind, I watched this movie having only slept three of the twenty-four hours before it, so my memory may not be perfect.

"Desolation Row" - My Chemical Romance

Ok, you create one of the greatest books of all time into a movie, and you get My Chemical Romance to do your end credits song. What? Seriously, Snyder? Forget the fact that My Chemical Romance doesn't fit at all in your 80s hits soundtrack, what are you doing? Bad choice. You should have stuck with the vastly superior Bob Dylan original. As often happens, cover of the original song fails.

"Unforgettable" - Nat King Cole

Actually, I'm ok with this one. Kind of unconventional to use in a fight scene, but I'm cool with it.

"These Times They Are A-Changin'" - Bob Dylan

For the opening credits? Sorry, but I wish it had been Dylan's version of "Desolation Row." Still, I don't have issues with this one as much as others.

"The Sound of Silence" - Simon & Garfunkle

What? For the Comedian's funeral. Fail. Just...fail. Not appropriate at all.

"Hallelujah" - Leonard Cohen

As if this sex scene wasn't awful enough, you put this song in it. Why? I wish I could say if it was the scene that killed the song or the song that killed the scene, but there is no answer. It's all just deeply, deeply WRONG.

"99 Luftballons"- Nena

Why? This song was unnecessary. Put it in the scene where it was and it's downright illogical and distracting, two things music in movies should never be. It was worse that McG using "Firestarter" in every fight scene of his Charlie's Angels.

"All Along The Watchtower" - Jimi Hendrix

I never, ever thought that this song could ever be a bad thing. I was wrong. This was the final straw. Truly, horribly wrong song choice. It messed up everything. This was the most tense moment of the film. The bad guy is finally about to be confronted...and you play this? WHAT? Snyder, this one made me want to decapitate you with a record.

"Ride of the Valkyries" Wagner

I hate Wagner. Hate him. His "operas"...don't even get me started. So imagine my displeasure when Dr. Manhattan shows up in Vietnam to this song. Unnecessary, Snyder.

The music killed this. Snyder, you should curl up in a little ball and die. Or better yet, you should be subjected to every form of torture ever created by man.

Oh, and as an adaptation, FAIL.

The good: Patrick Wilson. Jeffery Dean Morgan. Jackie Earle Haley IS Rorschach. Carla Guigino. And that's it. 

Bottom Line: Rent it. I wasted nine dollars and three hours of my life, don't make my mistake. I will admit it was worth it to see the Terminator: Salvation trailer on the big screen.

~Lauren