Coo Coo Ca Choo Got Screwed

And so did everyone else associated with this movie. Now, I could easily turn my review of X-Men Origins: Wolverine into an angry discourse on the failure of comic book movies to respect either the canon or the fans, but I won't. I have neither the time nor the space to rant about such things. In fact, there is so much of this movie to attack that I think it's best to take it character by character and go from there.

WARNING: THERE BE SPOILERS AHEAD

I've always loved Deadpool. I know that Ryan Reynolds is dedicated to the character, so I had faith Wade Wilson would be accurately represented in this film. And boy, Ryan Reynolds is having way too much fun bringing him to life. It's downright glee inducing. I wish that this film had been his movie instead, because I would gladly sit through two hours of Wade Wilson running his mouth. Sadly, the writers didn't agree, and he's on screen for a total of less than three minutes. I'm serious, and I might have gone back to some leaked footage to find out that number. It's shameful how brief his appearance is. Later in the film, when its passingly revealed his character has been taken out by Victor, Katie and I exchanged "What the hell" glances. Wade's dialogue and fight scene in the beginning of the film are by far the best part of the whole movie. 

Next, Agent Zero. Um, yeah. His opening fight scene is almost corny. We've scene The Matrix and last summer's Wanted. If you're going to try to be cool with guns, at least try to do it differently. His first fight scene established his character as the love child of Wanted and a really uncool Bullseye. Sure, he pops up later, but he never gets any cooler. He's basically an ass who does whatever Stryker tells him to, and for that he's forgettable.

The Blob, on the other hand, was wonderfully represented. Kevin Durand did a bang up job. His dialogue on the plane, his face-off with the tank...yes. Just, yes. He pops up later in the film as his typical overweight self, and unfortunately the make-up here is not top notch. Otherwise, his fight scene with Wolverine is highly enjoyable.

As for Bradley, here is another underused character, almost to the point where you question whether or not he's necessary. Dominic Monaghan looks very bored with this role, as he should be. He never does anything. He's basically a very small plot device. I did enjoy seeing him in his trailer with his tinker toys. It was a sweet moment that revealed more about his character than any other moment we see of him. I especially like the light bulb reference to The Invisible Man. Sadly, we get even less screen time of Bradley than any other character, which makes no sense, since Monaghan was announced as a main character when the casting first came out.

John Wraith. Hm, what to say? The effects for his power were cool. Otherwise...blah. Didn't really care. His outfit was ridiculous. 

Speaking of ridiculous outfits, there's Gambit. Oh Gambit. How I long to see thee accurately portrayed in cinema. This comes close, but misses the mark. What's missing? Him speaking ANY french, his red eyes, him speaking in third person, his womanizing, his thievery, his relationship with Rogue...ok, I got a bit ahead of myself on the last one, but seriously, he doesn't say a single french word at any point in the movie. Problem, huge problem. His handling of cards looked silly. The outfit from his trailers makes a bit more sense, since this is the seventies, but come on. Also, the bo staff turned into a pimp cane, complete with a shiny crystal knob on top. Yep, I'm serious. I suppose in the looks department, he works as a young teenage Remy, but no, not really.

Sabertooth, aka Victor Creed, is spot on twisted and psychopathic. Points to Liev Schreiber for that. Other than that, nothing really needs to be said.

Wolverine is still perfect, no fears there. 

Young Scott Summers is exactly that. Emma Frost is wrong. Silver Fox is wrong. 

So who did they get the most wrong? Deadpool. Oh boy. I can't even begin to go into how far of a departure this is from canon. It makes me violent. The problem is they don't seem to know what to do for a villain. If they wanted to do the Weapon X story, then that's what they should have done. Leave Deadpool the hell alone. I won't spoil the ending by saying how badly they got this wrong, but whatever you're imagining, thats it. That vision of Deadpool in a pink tutu you're having right now? It's highly preferably to what they've done.

Bottom line? DO NOT WASTE 10 DOLLARS ON THIS NONSENSE. If its at a dollar theater near you, go for it. Otherwise, wait and rent it. Yeah, that bad, and not just from a character standpoint. The line I used for this post's title is a serious line in this film. Yeah. While this film tries to be a decent comic book movie, it completely falls apart in the second half. Even the final fight scene is ridiculous. Remember Resident Evil: Apocalypse? It kind of reminds me of that final fight scene. Yes, that bad. My final word is that you just shouldn't. Don't get me wrong, a lot of this is enjoyable in a B movie sort of way. Unfortunately, the end kills its chances at being anything solid. This is one to rent. It starts out solid and then it's all downhill from there. Wait and spend your money on either Star Trek or Terminator.

~Lauren

P.S.

I'm beginning to wonder if Hugh Jackman should stop producing movies. Between this and last year's vomit worthy Deception, I think the signs indicate he needs to find another side job, because producing sure as heck ain't it.