An Appeal For Sanity

Last winter, around this time, Alyssa came back from a weekend with her family with some new dvds. One of these had come free with another movie. Jason Statham was on the cover. John Rhys-Davies was listed on the back. We figured, what the heck, let's watch this In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale. I guess I must have been suffering from a temporary film knowledge amnesia or something, because I'm not sure how I forgot that Uwe Boll had created this nonsense. I hate Uwe Boll. Will Smith and I frequently joke about the crap he creates. So, the fact that I forgot Uwe Boll directed and wrote In The Name Of The King astounds me. Less than thirty minutes into the movie, I started to ask myself questions like, "Who the expletive wrote this expletive?" And "Who in the name of expletive didn't understand the basic concept of framing?" Something is wrong when all but the actor's lower left jaw is cut out of the shot while the actor is talking. I started to think, "This is the sort of thing that only Uwe Boll makes." Then it dawned on me, and I picked the dvd case back up. As with most all of Uwe Boll's movies, I ended up watching the whole thing trying to find something redeemable about the movie. As usual, there was nothing. This movie's Razzie nomination was well, well deserved. 

Who exactly is producing Boll's movies? Seriously, who throws money at this guy? As one of the individuals who signed the petition for Boll to stop making movies, I feel justified in saying that Boll and his associates, who only ever seem to work on Boll projects, should be put on trial for crimes against humanity. Take Blood Rayne for example. I'm fairly certain even the SciFi channel considers this crap, and that's saying something. I keep hoping that Boll will stop, but imdb tells me it is not so. Uwe Boll has not one, but six projects currently in the works, and one that's already finished for 2009. None of these, not even Zombie Massacre, stands a chance. Some have slightly more hope, but only because Boll didn't write all six scripts. 

As a lover of both good and bad movies, I'd like to make an appeal to Mr. Uwe Boll for the sanity of the population. Remember Shawn of the Dead? I'm willing to bet that everyone turned into zombies after watching Uwe Boll's films. If prolonged exposure to Boll's movies really does turn people into zombies, the Zombie Apocalypse will commence shortly, since the man is releasing five new movies in 2009. Oh, the horror...

Please, Mr. Boll, have mercy.

~Lauren