Underworld 3: The Return of Michael Sheen Hotness

I loved Underworld. I fraking loved it. Sure, it has issues. The werewolves/lycans are blue. Every attractive man dies. Scott Speedman is impossibly irritating. Yeah, it has issues. But it's awesome. Kate Beckinsale is beautiful. Michael Sheen is strangely attractive in a dirty sort of way you'd expect from a werewolf. Soundtrack was fantastic. Paul Haslinger did his best, and arguably only decent, score. I was really, really excited to learn that a sequel and a prequel were in the works.

Then came Underworld: Evolution. Oh boy. So bad it was almost moved to my so-bad-it's-unwatchable list. Loyalty to Underworld kept me from moving it to such a category. Sure, Kate was back. But so was Scot Speedman. Oh boy, he is truly awful in these movies. I cannot fathom why someone as badass as Selene would go for an all out pansy/loser like Michael. And no, he's not cool once he becomes a hybrid. If possible, he's even more pathetic. The sex scene in this movie was painful. It did have some freaking awesome fight scenes, so I guess that's the silver lining.

Needless to say, I doubted that they'd even bother making a prequel. I didn't believe that it stood a chance. Then came the rays of sunshine. Len Wiseman, who is a terrible director, stepped back to let someone else take the reigns. Rhona Mitra, frequently referred to by Katie as the skanier version of Kate Beckinsale, was on board as Sonja, which makes sense, since Selene is supposed to be a dead ringer for Sonja. Then came the best part of all. Michael Sheen, with his odd hotness, was coming back. Suddenly, I had hope.

Due to conflicting events in my life, I didn't see this until the Tuesday after it came out. Katie, our friend Alyssa, and I were probably the only girls in the theater, which was basically empty. This was probably for the best, since we were ready to laugh our heads off. Underworld is a favorite of ours for dialogue gems like "I should have left someone else in charge of mah affairs." Bill Nighy's random southern accent is priceless. Rise of the Lycans did not disappoint. This movie would have been amazing had it not been for the sex scene. I thought that nothing could be worse than the sex scene in 300. Oh, I was wrong. The entire theater was laughing. I nearly fell out of my seat. Even now, days after seeing it, Katie just has to make a subtle reference to it and I laugh until I can't breathe. 

Other problems abound. The costuming for the female vampires, despite that this is supposed to be a period piece, are strait out of a nightclub or a rapper video. Viktor wears one coat that may have been leftover from David Bowie's wardrobe in Labyrinth. There a few other historical details I won't pick at. The ending is also a bit confusing, and Kate Beckinsale isn't in it.

Still, ridiculousness aside, this movie has a lot going for it. In terms of fight scenes/sword use, it's fairly accurate/realistic. Of course, in a real fight you'll die if you cross your swords the way Viktor did, but I'm being picky. Michael Sheen is so very, very attractive in the final battle scene. Rhona Mitra holds her own. We get more of the character Tannis. Kraven isn't in it (YES!). We get to see Raze's origins, and he's one of the coolest characters in the first movie. We also get some new tidbits, like the fact that Lucian is the first Lycan who can take human form. That was new and surprising. All in all, I'd call this a fairly enjoyable way to waste some time. It's definitely better than the second movie, but, due to the sex scene, it's not better than the original movie.

I almost have a vague hope for Underworld 4. Almost. Mostly, I'm just excited to see what Michael Sheen does next. I can't wait for Burton's Alice in Wonderland.

Look for Katie's more in depth review later. Mine just skims the surface. Also, keep a look out for a list of our favorite quotes from Bull Nighy's character Viktor. The material they give this man to work with...

Enjoy,

~Lauren